i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
