I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
