Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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