I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
