im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize