You don't have asthma, your pregnant
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
