i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
