My hand turned me down
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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