So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you would pick up someone in the library
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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