So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize