my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
