my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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