Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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