apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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