what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
