I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize