ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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