i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
