is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
