my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
