I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i love accidental penises.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
