Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
