Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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