I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
