Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
