Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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