I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
