If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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