You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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