Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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