I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
do nipples grow back?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize