yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
