did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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