We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
why is half of my head shaved?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
