Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
