you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
