Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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