super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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