well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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