I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
