isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
