so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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