Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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