Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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