The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
