why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
