I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
