I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize