You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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