Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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