So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
