Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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