Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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