That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
