drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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