I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
