what day is it and did you see me today?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
