Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
