I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
