its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
