So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize