wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
