There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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