I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
