3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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