NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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