WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize