how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
