WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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