She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My vagina just recognized that song.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i want to swaddle you in tequila
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize