Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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