guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
