I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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