member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize