Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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