Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
